How to deal with anger

Habitual energies of anger are those tendencies inside of us that we have picked up as a result of our upbringing. Perhaps our parents were too critical or too short-tempered in the way they brought us up. Later in life we tend to react to situations in the same way as they did.

It is simple to use the same technique of mindfulness to skillfully deal with these habitual energiesof anger and rage. As you breathe in you note the tendency to react inside of you. As you breathe out you smile at it. Thus with the light of consciousness we can be free of our ingrained tendencies or habits.

Just this one practice can work wonders with our well-being and social skills. I have seen this in my own life. When I was young I had no social skills and could not get along with myself or with others. As I developed the habit of noticing and acknowledging these ingrained tendencies and reactions it worked wonders for my sense of poise, confidence and well-being. It dramatically changed my inter-personal relations as well.

It is important not to blame our parents for these tendencies inside of us even through we may have learned these from them. In the first place they leaned them from their parents and did not have the skills to transform them so in a way they are the victims. Secondly and more important if you blame your parents or others for deficiencies in yourself you are setting yourself in the role of victim. You are not taking responsibility for yourself and your life. You cannot expect to make any changes or grow this way.

The technique of mindfulness, of witnessing our anger and rage without reacting is sufficient for us to make all the changes that we want in our lives. Have faith in your practices and keep working.

3) Caring for the Wounded Child

Almost all of us have suffered as a result of wrong upbringing in one way or another. Even if we think we have had a happy childhood we have wounds, grudges and resentments that are hard to let go.

A lot of our anger and feeling of hurt and pain are a replay of what we suffered when we were young. We can use the method of mindfulness to make changes in this part of ourselves too.

As I said earlier it is important not too blame our parents or cast ourselves in the role of victims. We are responsible for our lives and with the method of witnessing we can transform or learn to live with anything.

We need to listen to the wounded child within us. Compassionate listening may be described as letting the other person unburden himself or herself – to give him relief from suffering and pain by just letting him talk. The idea is not to analyze or get information or to understand. The goal is to simply listen and accept and give him or her relief.

Have this same attitude while listening to your wounded child. Simply be one with the pain of the wounded child. You can use the mindfulness breathing practice. ‘Breathing in, I recognize the wounded child inside me. Breathing out I am taking good care of my wounded child.

Be patient with yourself. You will not see changes easily or quickly. These are the wounds of a lifetime that we are bringing to the surface. As I said earlier the goal is not to change or transform or understand. The goal is to be one with the pain mindfully, to witness it without reacting.

This practice will make us much more at peace with ourselves. Also we will not feel the need to pass on these same wounds to our children and thus make the world a happier & better place.

4) Are you sure

You may have certain notions or ideas about the person who has made you angry. You may see him or her as vindictive or malicious or just plain mean spirited. Thus we water the seeds of anger within us.

All of the above may be true. But it is important for us to question ourselves as to whether these ideas are really true. This is especially important if that person belongs to our family, when he or she is our parent, spouse, son or daughter.

I have already mentioned earlier that it is important to not think or try to analyze or understand when you are feeling angry or disturbed. At such times simply witness and be one with your pain. Any conclusions that we reach when we are feeling disturbed are not to be trusted. Be free of the feeling of anger and then try to think and reach sound conclusions.

Ask yourself- “ Are you sure?” Question yourself whether your conclusions are really true.

It is also important to do our thinking when we are feeling calm and at peace. Then it is more likely that our thinking will take into account the complete picture and our conclusion will be more balanced.

It is also important to understand that the other person is suffering also. At times we feel that we are the only person in pain. However the person is also human and has weaknesses and may not have the skillful means to deal with his pain. It is important to understand this.

The best way to understand the other person is simply to communicate. Straightforward, calm and loving communication can work wonders in all our relationships. If you communicate you will be in touch with each other.

I will explain how to communicate in a further section. But please be aware that most ideas or notions that you have formed about the other person without trying to communicate cannot for most part not be trusted.

Please go to the next page for further methods to constructively deal with anger by clicking The greatest lesson of George Gurdieff's life:

Top of page Anger
Back to Free ecourse
Back to Home page Eastern Philosophy and Meditation